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TRIGGER WARNING

I'm almost 17, and May 19th this year was the date I was going to take my life. I had planned months in advance, and only two days before ended up telling my mum and doctors. So it isn't a secret.

My secret is, I hate myself for telling them. I wish so much that I went through with it. The only reason I didn't was because I felt so much guilt and knew my family (mother and sister) in particular would never ever find peace in their life ever again. I keep trying to work out scenarios, where i write a really detailed suicide letter, plan my own funeral so they dont have to, not allow anybody to wear black, and have lots of happy songs and photos playing while people can reminisce and enjoy memories, I don't want to hurt anybody. I just feel so at peace with myself and my life. It sounds crazy to want to kill myself because finally things are pretty stable, but I just feel like I've always known I would die by my own choice, and I would take my own life. Thx for reading.

#16051
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Dec 15, 2674 03:03 PM - Life - by hol (Blog)

 

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That moment you just want to say F#@! everything! I'm F!@#ing DONE! This is all just a flipping joke at this point!

#14273
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May 30, 2017 10:28 AM - Life - by DimedLight (Blog)

 

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When I was 13, my father picked up a man whose car had broken down beside the road. While driving way, he punched the man in the throat, drove to a cemetery, beat him to death and buried his body in an old grave. The man is still on the national missing persons directory. I never spoke to my father again, running away from home the next day. When he died 3 years ago (40 years after the murder), he left a note telling my brother to have him cremated because he was certain I'd dig him up and piss on him. I feel bad that I didn't get to do that.

#14075
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Apr 25, 2017 08:23 PM - Life - by Gare ()

 

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I feel as i'm slowly falling apart and there's no one to help me, my husband just isn't on my side. i feel like giving up. just packing up and leaving forever. never looking back, leaving my family. my husband. my depressing life i had. i just want it gone. i want the pain to be gone. am i wrong? i dont have the money. i just got my first job and im struggling with school. i want to drop out so badly.

#13865
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Jul 14, 2017 10:55 PM - Life - by Baby Doll (Blog)

 

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My roommate had sex with my best friend, even though he knew I was interested in her. When I told him that I thought it was uncool -- he said, "all is fair in love and war."
So, last night I jerked off into his favorite coffee mug and sat, smugly, while he poured his morning coffee and drank my 'juices.'
I want to tell him my secret, so bad, but he might (factually) kill me, if he found out.

I hope, Hope, HOPE he sees this post and figures out it is him :)

#13787
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May 31, 2017 11:36 AM - Life - by AngryGuyWins ()

 

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The last time he choked me I think it did something to me. I don't understand it because it's been worse before. But I'm different after this time. I can't shake it I feel weird I can't make myself seem all that normal. Everything feels weirdly scary or somethig. I read that if a person chokes you it's to show you they can kill you. And they are five times more likely to murder you?! What am I doing. We have kids. I go to school, I volunteer at the kids school every single week, I make sure the house is clean, I cook, I don't think I am even making it look good anymore. I don't know how I got here. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do. I am so damn lonely. And I am completely sure this is entirely my fault.

#13650
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Apr 25, 2017 08:21 PM - Life - by Anonymous (Blog)

 

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I'm 14. I'm a girl. I'm bisexual. I love watching my friends change in front of me. I'm an occasional cigarette and pot smoker. I steal from grocery stores almost every day. I have severe anxiety and depression. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. Now I'm trying to get into high school.

#13329
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Apr 25, 2017 05:59 PM - Life - by smol_rose (Blog)

 

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I'm a lesbian girl in middle school. I don't like boys. I don't have them as friends. They're bad, disruptive and stupid. (Science has shown girls are smarter than boys) But I sure love kicking them in their nuts lol. They go from being so bold and tough to curling up on the floor crying and clutching their sack lol One little kick in their gross little b**** and they're down for the count. I love fighting boys because I can just hit them in the nuts and they're down for the count. Any time a boy says that boys are stronger than girls, I hit him in the b**** and ask him while he's curled up on the ground crying how tough he feels.

#13266
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May 31, 2017 01:00 AM - Life - by Mindy (Blog)

 

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I was suicidal for years, but when my mum found out, she tried getting me to stop. So, I told her I was better; but all the damage had been done. I no longer truly feel emotions; I just fake them. On some days, I have this look, like I'm dead inside; no one knows that I actually am. I have a huge family, and they tell me they love me; but I just feel alone, like they would be better off without me. I've got so many issues, the world would be better without me; I'm overweight, and no matter what I try, I can't lose it. I can't get a person-outside of my family-to stay in my life, let alone date me, and I'm nearing 20. I have so many trust issues because people that were supposedly my friends turned into my bullies. And I never feel pretty, because my brother and da always put me down as a kid; every time I get a compliment now, I feel awkward because I don't know how to accept it.

#13265
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May 31, 2017 01:00 AM - Life - by Death's Dreams (Blog)

 

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i cut down my wrist for the first time. ive wanted to kill myself for a while, but this is the first time i actually slide a razor blade down my arm, i made a few cuts, not deep. i kind of liked it. i still want to die, but i dont want to hurt my friends or family. i just want to disappear and die.

#13264
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Looks like we're the first to know! (3) - That's no secret (7)

May 31, 2017 01:00 AM - Life - by guysensie ()

 

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